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(239): gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don’t kill me.
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(314): I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
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(703): Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren’t good for each other
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(347): In either case, seeing now as it’s basically two couples, unless we’re planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn’t going to work out so well.
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(205): It’s like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
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(425): So that wine I told you about is vile…
(360): That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
(425): Yup. It’s drinkable. Might go blind, but I’ve got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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(613): She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell “Hey! We don’t quit at halftime!”